Just like the different types of cars, there are several types of drivers too. Some of these make the road and hence our journey alongside them much more convenient and safer. And then there are the ones who are blasting the music louder than their horns and scaring the pigeons away.
Getting stuck in one of those mind-numbing traffic jams yet again today got me to notice and admire the vast variety of drivers sprawled across the road. It was my way to tune out the blaring horns, crying babies and non-stop chatter of my dear ones traveling with me.
So this is me, Daniel, trying to figure out the various kinds of drivers personalities that pass me by every day, on my way. Read on to know what kind of a driver you are.
Different Types of Drivers on Road
The way we drive reveals a lot about us. It basically shows the world if we turn into a graceful swan or a terrifying King Kong when we get access to almost infinite power and speed. Most of the time it is our emotions that are driving us around, letting everyone know how good or bad of a day we just had!
Road Rage Hulk
Just like the hulk, they are perpetually angry and ready to smash anything blocking their path. You don’t want to cross paths with them. Maintain a good distance from them at all times because this destructive energy is pretty contagious. One minute you are getting into a little argument with these troublemakers and before you know it, you are smashing things in your own path letting everyone know who the bigger maniac is.
Just watch them from afar, as you do with the Godzilla at IMAX. They are the kind of problem that self-drives itself away from you if you don’t feed it with your attention. The second you gave any attention to their loud horns, rude words and repulsive persona, it is game over. The only way to win with them is to drive away at first glance!
I hate the cliche of slow driving grandmas as much as the next sensible guy. They are as tech-savvy and skilled at driving as you and me. So, you don’t want to undermine them in any way else their sass is going to sting you pretty bad. The Sassy Grandma can drive fast, slow, reckless and dangerously good just like anybody else.
Though at times, they might just use your ignorance to their own benefit as you see them speeding by you and driving into the distance with their spectacular self. Their experience lets them pull the best pranks both on and off-road. They are as imperfectly perfect as several other drivers making way to their temporary destinations.
Nervous Student Driver
Today, driving from home to work and back seems like someone has put the whole vehicle on autopilot. Our muscle memory kicks in and before we know it, we are closing the door behind us on the way to the front yard. But when I sat in the driving seat for the first time, it felt so impossible yet something I so badly wanted to learn.
So I am well aware of the nervous cocktail that we all become during our student driver phase. Their hands are somehow superglued to the steering like they are holding on to it for their dear life. This daily after-school driving lesson makes them stress more than their SATs and first dates combined.
In the initial phases, the student driver is more like a snail so it is safe to pass them by without suddenly alarming them as they have already reached their maximum discomfort and stress limit. They can be sighted during the afternoons with an equally stressed adult or driving instructor who can’t wait for it to be over.
Sephora on Wheels
The makeup artist is someone who loves to get ready in the mirror of their car preferably for the entire duration of the commute. It is almost a wonder how they can steer with all that gloss, kohl and blender blocking their vision. Their precision and commitment to attaining identical winged eyeliner on both eyes inspire me to have that level of dedication for my life goals!
You don’t want to be buzzing anywhere around their cars when they are deep into this almost meditative process. Maintain a good distance from their vehicle or change lanes if possible. They might suddenly wake up from this makeup infused slumber and rear-end you without even knowing about it.
Do you remember the rippling water in the glass scene from the Jurassic Park movie? It was actually the sickeningly loud beats of the DJ driver and not those prehistoric giants that caused all that commotion (They edited it out in the movie for undisclosed reasons!). We all love good music and are guilty of cranking up the volume when our favorite song comes on our playlist.
But, the DJ driver loves to drive around with earthquake inducing volume levels. Maybe they did not get the memo that deafening music does not pair well with the annoying car horns. Or they just love to be not able to listen to their own thoughts while causing this entire music mayhem. Whatever the case be, you can hear their woofers roaring from afar thus giving you plenty of time to get the hell out of their vicinity.
Makeshift Car-Home Owner
Traveling with them or around them is anything but neat. They eat, change and even hang out in their cars. Maybe they live in it too since their microscopic city apartment is half the size of their modest car. Whatever the reason be, they sure seem to be taking a liking to this new situation.
You might find dirty laundry in their backseat that they somehow keep on forgetting to give to the dry cleaners. The clean clothes are hanging on one side of their car door as you have to duck every time you pass them to get to the seat when you, unfortunately, get stuck with these drivers. Their car smells like a bad wine with undertones of stale food, sweaty socks and ironically a car freshener. Keep away from this messy bubble at all times else it might suck you into this stinky lifestyle too.
The Kind Ones
There is a thing called being too nice for one’s own good. The kind driver is someone that you just want to shake and tell that this cruel world does not deserve you. Fly back to heaven sweet angel! But you digress. You just watch them letting people get ahead of them, the totally undeserving ones. These sweethearts are the ones who start from their home early because by now they know their kindness causes them those dreaded delays.
On one of those lucky days when you have had enough of just about everything and everyone, God sends you a kind driver to show you how the other half of humanity is. Their warm smile and kind gestures give you hope to not smash the windscreen of yet another road rage hulk who shamelessly cuts you off. You look down to Satan and say, not today Lucifer!
I can bet that even Vin Diesel is not a fan of these speed junkies. There is nothing glamorous and exciting about watching these loons speeding across the bridge in seconds as if the entire NYPD is after them for being so annoying. You almost feel as if you are in the wrong and this busy street is indeed the racetrack that these maniacs have decided to better their performance at.
The speed junkies overestimate the control that they have on their vehicle. They seem to be running from or to someone at a lightning fast speed as we see our life flash before our eyes during their one too many close calls. Even the speeding tickets don’t scare this dangerous driving style out of them. They live by the motto – ‘Reckless is the only way I drive!’
We get it. Life is short and you should make good use of every single minute. But that does not mean you gamble with your dear life weaving in and out of the incoming traffic impulsively. Saving those few minutes come at the risk of getting into serious accidents.
The weavers are a menace to the life of their own as well as those in the vehicles around them. Maintain a good distance from these folks who are risking a shortcut out of their lives. The margin of total time consumption between the traffic weavers and non-weavers is abysmal. So, the whole endeavor of traveling at supersonic speed through the heavy traffic is pretty much futile.
The multi-taskers are trying the next best thing to cloning, they just duplicate their time or at least try to. You can see them sipping coffee and driving with their knees as they try to read the breaking news of the morning. It is their way of dividing their attention among all the things that absolutely need to be done simultaneously or not at all.
They seem to get ready for the day in their car, treating it more like a mobile cafe where they gear up for the day and try to barely drive to the destination. Their over-confidence on their driving skills and immortality might get the best of them sooner or later. But, if you spot one, just take a turn into the opposite direction. You can’t afford to be this callous with your life.
Popstar Behind Wheels
So there are people who turn on the shower and start singing or dancing on their own. These drivers are like those but behind wheels. The second they put the key in, they queue in their favorite playlist and the entire car transforms into a Beyonce concert, at least for them. Well actually, for them they are both the popstars and the audience.
They sing along every single word of the song without missing a beat. Air-guitaring and air-drumming bumper after bumper seem to work for them so good that they often forget that other people can see their crazy antics and have a good chuckle. Or, maybe they just like to put on the show! They are usually too busy in their own world to bother you in any manner.
Too bad we still don’t have the technology to create actual transformers like in the movie franchise because the Transformer owner seems to be all set for them. They take customization to a whole new level as if trying to make their ride so extra that they can spot theirs from space. We are talking here about the cars that look like a Grafitti wall inside out.
They might just get Chinchilla fur seat covers and matching carpet for their ride because they find the concept of endangered species too fictional to be real. They might have whacky bumper stickers that make you annoyed and confused at the same time. And they are always ready to add one more trinket to this automobile monstrosity that they choose to drive around in.
These are few of the many driver personalities that I have encountered till today during my commute on the road.
You might be a kind driver on a good day and a weaver when you are running late yet again for the third time in the week. We might not be consistent with our driving style every single day of the week but overall we belong to only one of these driver personalities.
Let us know which one are you in the comment section below. And while you are at it, just quickly share this quirky article with your friends and family on your socials. Find out how good or bad of a driver you seem to be to others and let them know your funny takes on their driving style too!